Tuesday, November 07, 2006

First Lady Frontrunners (R)

Side Chick turned 3rd wife of Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R) New York

Sponge-bathed her way to the alter by nursing Rudy through a prostate cancer scare. (Take note Diana Taylor). If Rudy runs she'll have to spank down the Manhattan socialite hair and make up. Waaaaaaaaaay down.

Pro: Stood by her man.
Con: Some will always consider her a home wrecker.
Tip: Looking a little plastic these days. If Rudy does run plan next "freshening" well in advance so it has time to sag a bit.

Wife of U.S. Senator John McCain (R) Arizona

Comes off as quite likable in a grew up rich former vicodin stealer kind of way. Admitted a past pill addiction. Would probably have been better if that hadn't surfaced until after a stint in the White House a la Betty Ford and Pat Nixon. But hey better to fess up if you're about to get outed. And America loves a good I'm so sorry I was getting blunted story. It was the pressure. Gets extra points for having the magic number of kids- 4.( plus the 2 girls 2 boys bonus).

PRO: Gives good political spouse hair, makeup, and clothes.
CON: Why was she stealing drugs when her family is rich?
TIP: A little Mary Tyler Moore going on with your hair flippage. Spank down.

Wife of Gov. George Pataki (R) New York

Looks great for having been married a bazillion years. Has the political optimum number of kids - 4. Big on women's issues. Sick women. Women catching beat downs. Admirable. Appealingly cute without being threateningly glamorous.

Pro: Seems the most normal of all the potentials.
Con: The rest of the Union distrusts New Yorkers.
Tip: Steer clear of "Driving Miss Libby" scandals in future.

Main Chick of Mayor Michael Bloomberg (R) New York
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Has a butt-load of Ivy league degrees. An investment banker (like daddy). State banking superintendent. Lawyer. Doctor. Indian chief. Got it. Diana's independent. Now here's the next career goal. Get Bloomy to say "I do". Yes, it was easier for Judi. Rudy was broke and sick. Bloomy is rich and healthy except for a touch of fever. But it can be done.

Pro: Smart.Accomplished. Has stuck with Bloomberg so long that if he decides to make a run for 1600 Penn. Ave. he'll have no choice but to marry her.
Con: Still only a main chick. Not wife. Fine in New York. Isn't kosher in Colorado.
Tip: Put snooty Manhattan pseudo-friends like Anna Wintour on mute. Voters live in Paducha not Paris. Un-butchify hair and hang in there.

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