Like all good potential First Ladies Bill is doing the right thing by smiling and fighting aids in India and staying above the fray and ignoring reports slamming his and Hillary's record on abortion Meanwhile cyber conservatives are revving up their hard-drives in a new effort to defeat Hillary in '08 despite the fact that she hasn't announced she's running yet.

Michelle Distracts Oprah While Bahm Bahm Gets His Meet on with Luda

Pimpin' all over the world...including Chicago where the junior senator from Illinois shows he's down with rapper Ludacris despite said rapper's beef with Obama's "girl" the almighty Oprah. Luda and Barackay Fiasco talked about empowering youth and then commiserated about hoes.

"Hoes In My Room" (Ludacris)
Barack Obama Meets with Ludacris (Blogger News Network)
Obama, Ludacris Rap about AIDS (Chicago Sun-Times)

Vilsacks, Okay Now Were Really RUNNING Running

What do we like about Christine Vilsack? - She's right there waving away even though her husband doesn't have a shot in hell to win in 2008.
What we hate about Christine Vilsack? The 56 year old's insistence on wearing a maternity suit to the "official" campaign kick-off.

'Underdog' Vilsack Officially Launches Campaign (Des Moines Register)

Pataki Problems

Libby.
Sigh.
Well it's obvious neither you nor George have been listening to me.
First, CBS says only 15 percent, FIFTEEN PERCENT, of New Yorkers believe Georgie would make a good President.
Then there was the Driving Miss Libby scandal. And now... maid-gate. Trust me. I totally get the need to have a staffer drive 100 miles from the manch to your other abode to deliver your dinner.
Voters in Wyoming - not so much. And it's all about them, at least until you get to 1600.
But at this rate, you'll be lucky not to get kicked out of NY.

The Maybe Future Mrs. Bloomberg Out?

No. Not out gay out. Out of the running for First Lady out.
At least that's what Bloomberg is pretty much saying by refusing to get up off his cash cushion and take one for the team.
Too bad. Di ranked way up there on substance. And got plenty points for style too, as evidenced in this photo with the man who refuses to marry her and the crypt keeper.

Mayor Bloomberg Urges 2008 Hopefuls On. (Wash Post)

Cindy v. Judi. Tale of the Tape

Okay ladies. CBS sez your husbands are matching up pound for pound in a fight to the death for the Republican nomination. The resume comparison actually includes their movie cameos - and by that measure I guess McCain is ahead because "Wedding Crashers" sucked less than "Anger Management".
What the media should be doing is weighing the women.
Here's Cindy v. Judi.

CINDY MCCAIN
Wife of U.S. Senator John McCain (R) Arizona

Comes off as quite likable in a grew up rich former vicodin stealer kind of way. Ultimately admitted a past pill addiction but would probably have been better if that hadn't surfaced until after a stint in the White House a la Betty Ford and Pat Nixon. But hey better to fess up if you're about to get outed. And America loves a good I'm so sorry I was getting blunted story. It was the pressure. Gets extra points for having the magic number of kids- 4.( plus the 2 girls 2 boys bonus).

PRO: Gives good political spouse hair, makeup, and clothes.
CON: Why was she stealing drugs when her family is rich?
TIP: A little Mary Tyler Moore going on with your hair flippage. Spank down.

JUDITH NATHAN GIULIANI

Side Chick turned 3rd wife of Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R) New York

Sponge-bathed her way to the alter by nursing Rudy through a prostate cancer scare. (Take note Diana Taylor). If Rudy runs she'll have to spank down the Manhattan socialite hair and make up. Waaaaaaaaaay down.

Pro: Stood by her man.
Con: Some will always consider her a home wrecker.
Tip: Looking a little plastic these days. If Rudy does run plan next "freshening" well in advance so it has time to sag a bit.

Likeable First Lady = up to a 7 point boost. Or at the very least, keeps approval ratings from sinking into the single digits. Just ask Laura.

High Jump Then Side Step

Way to work your home court advantage Michelle. Good hustle. The Chicago Defender was raving about your performance at a recent luncheon for "High Jump" an organization that serves limited income kids. You nailed your up by your bootstraps/humble beginnings/I'm one of you speech (presumably while NOT wearing your mink). But goddammit Barack should buy you another friggin' fur for mitigating even a little of the damage done by the bone-headed deal with Rezko. The scandelette simmered in Chicago for a while, but NPR picked up on the ticking time bomb this morning and that's naaaaahhhhhtttt good. BO's gonna have to explain this one for the next two years. I know you couldn't have possibly signed off on that deal before hand. It's just too stupid. But now it's your problem, so under no circumstances are you to allow Bahm-Bahm to make any more "agreements". 'Kay? Thanks.

Is it just me? Or...

John McCain Wants to Continue Conversation With America

Translation: exploratory committee time. That means you've got to be extra vigilant Cindy. Years in presidential politics are like dog years. When John ran in 2000 he still had energy and sense. Now, 42 years later, he's lost his crackle and pop. Still he's got a damn good shot at the G-O-P nomination if he doesn't say or do something batty, and it's your job as daughter-wife to make sure he doesn't. I know, I know...the hell that is national politics has taken its toll on your health too. But hey, you used to be a cheerleader - suck it up, smile, pop a lotrel and start back-flipping your way toward the East Wing.
Oh, and your game face has always been good - but tip: go back to shorter-do. Much, much better.

Barbara Richardson's Staff Finally Get Their Fingers Out

Exactly. This is what I'm talkin' bout. New Mexcio's First Lady front and center. And surrounded by achingly cute political props no less. It's nearly 900 miles between Albuquerque and Des Moines. Babs, it's about friggin' time your staff got you some of the column inch fuel you're gonna need to drive the Richardson Machine to caucus central.

"First Lady Seeks to Expand Big Brothers in NM." (Las Cruces Sun-News)

Bill and Hil Say Bring It B*!@#

Clinton v. Giuliani dos - mi amigas.
Ass-kissing reporter's smoke-blowing grossness is mitigated by fact that he elicited a semi-candid response from Hils about a potential match-up with Giuliani.

"Hil vs. Giuliani: The race we've dreamed of" (NY Daily News)

Lizzy's As Good As In

ELIZABETH EDWARDS

Wife of super-rich former trial lawyer and 2004 candidate for vice president John Edwards. (D) North Carolina.
Hubby just showed a little skin on the Daily Show and told everybody to keep an eye on his website www.johnedwards.com for an upcoming announcement. He talked community building. He talked minimum wage.
Plus he's teaming up with possible opponent/possible running mate Barack Obama to give the evil-da's at Wal-mart a public smackdown tomorrow. Yep. He's making another run for 16-hun.
Li-Li wasn't included in the original grouping of front-runners (D) because I deferred to the opinion of a renown Firstladyologist - that they were politically dead. The Edwards's still may not win- but they're gettin' in the game...which means Mrs. E has got to get her game face on.

Pro: Went through the vetting process last go round and only everyday everybody skeletons came out of closet. Plus, she kicked cancer's ass.
Con: Voters have short memories. Where you been?
Tip: People loved the chubby realness of your 2004 style. Stick with it.

PETA Soaks Barack Obama's Wife in Human Blood

Okay not really. But don't think they won't. Listen to me Sheh-shell. Get rid of the mink. Quick, fast, and in a hurry. I know you live in cold-ass Chicago. I know the family just had its first good year($1.7 mil. to be exact) . So you were probably just getting your splurge on after BO signed his book deal. (shoulda stopped there instead of going on the mansion hunt that landed him in his first scandalette...but I digress). PETA does not play and said coat is not worth the huge political damage you will no doubt incur when pictures of you getting PETA-pied are splashed all over YouTube.
And, even if you escape the animal rights jihadis - voters in Arkansas will give you the cold shoulder if they hear you've been flaunting your fabulous fur.

Tip: Learn from a master. Check paragraph 24 of Nixon's "Checkers" speech.

Judi and Rudy Take the Plunge

Judes, remember that little chat we had about toning it down? That begins NOW. There's no turning back since Rudy has taken step-one in a run for 1600. "Establishing an exploratory committee ?" Translation: let the national attention to every single pimple on your ass officially begin.
So as of today - no more of this.
And definitely no more of this. 'kay?

"Giuliani Takes First Step Toward Presidential Bid" (NYT)
"Biographical Information on Rudy Giuliani" (NY Newsday)

First Lady Of Democracy, Don't Let the Bastards Get You Down

A U.N. special envoy has finally been allowed to visit Aung Sang Suu Kyi. Even after years and years under house arrest, and in worsening health, she scores perfect tens on substance and style. Take lessons potential First Ladies. Think you'll be head Democracy chick if you make it to 1600? Think again. Myanmar's, I mean Burma's....o.k. o.k. Myanmar's (don't hurt her) long imprisoned freedom fighter wins hands down. Tireless non-violent activist for democratic change? Check. Nobel Peace laureate? Check. Establisher of signature style with fetching flowers in hair at nape of neck? Check.
Now that I think about it...can we get her in both the East and West Wings?

Peace Price Laureate Worries About Health (Seattle Times)

How Jackie Got Her Post-White House Groove Back

See this is what I'm talking about. Style so fantabulous that they'll still be talking about even your most insignificant rebound affairs long after you're dead. It's Mrs. Kennedy's fault anyway that all First Lady contenders are under the media microscope. So feel free to jack her swagger and strut yourself all the way the East Wing.

Jackie O's Unusual Friendship (NY Post)

snorrrrrrr hiccup...Huh? Wot? Richardson?

Babs honey, quietly toiling away on genuinely helpful projects in New Mexico are NOT gonna get you to the East Wing. Tell your peeps to crank up the hype machine and get you some bang for your buck. Well, for the taxpayers bucks. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Anyway, articles like this should be all about you. Not about the Transportation Secretary.

Ladyfriend Di Jobless

In the New York governor's manch, Democrats are in. Republicans are out (yes Libby OUT). And Bloomberg's First Lady-in-waiting, Diana Taylor, is submitting her resignation as the state's banking commissioner.
Excellen-tay. Now she'll have more time to focus on more pressing matters like an East Wing makeover - and getting a job in which she is constantly surrounded by adorable and endlessly photo-opable sick children.

A Spot of Breakfast and Then Some Transition Work (NYT)

It's Offical: Vilsack in race for East Wing

Wife of Tom Vilsack Outgoing Governor (D) Iowa.

In a move that has already pissed some off, Christie Vilsack and her husband are saying ufckkit - nobody knows who the hell we are and were going to need the whole two years if we're gonna even try to do this.
Christie "The Tarantula" Vilsek wants to catch unsuspecting voters in her web, force them to vote Vilsack, then wrap their bodies up so she can snack on them later.
Other than that - seems like a super lady.

Pro: Has pushed to raise literacy rates in Iowa.
Con: Who?
Tip: Absolutely. Under no circumstances. Are you to go back to Supercuts.

Iowa's Gov. Vilsack Running for President (Washington Post)

Ed Bradley Dies...

of leukemia-related complications.
Heartfelt condolences to Mr. Bradley's family, especially his First Lady Patricia Blanchet.

Patakis, You Ain't Gotta Go Home, But You Gotta Get the Hell Outta Here.

O.K. Miss Libby. Time's up. Mrs. Spitzer's U-Haul is backing up in the driveway of the manch and your husband is dragging his ass when it comes to the next move. You couldn't swing a dead cat during the midterms without hitting Bloomberg, Giuliani, or Clinton - but people are smellin' Georgie-boy's ambivalence.
The New York Sun says

"Mr. Pataki is the only of the four to have opened an office in the early caucus state of Iowa. Unlike Mr. Giuliani, who has managed to stay politically relevant out of office, Mr. Pataki does not have the same impassioned following. Additionally he has many of the same socially liberal positions Mr. Giuliani has, which could be liabilities in the GOP primary."
Alright Libby - you want it? Get to work.

"The Pataki Bloodbath" (NY Post)

New First Lady in the Hizzle

It's a First Lady first.
A ish-load of Republican midterm election losses has ushered in a new era in American politics. Congress gets its first female Speaker of the House. That makes Nancy Pelosi the First Lady of Congress and this, of course, necessitates periodic style and substance checks by eastwinger.

Seems Nancy-nan is partial to the single-breasted peaked-lapel pant suits avec conversation-piece necklaces.(neck wear is no doubt all hand-hewn from bio-degradable materials by Bay Area artisans) In fact, she's so partial to the look, she's worn the exact same suit (in different colors) for about the last ten years.
Nothing says I'm too busy and serious to think about something as trivial as fashion like a closet full of identical, perfectly tailored, perfectly hued, perfectly accessorized suits - topped by a perfectly layered coif and perfectly subtle make-up. Work it Madame Speaker-to-be.
As for Substance? Change? New ideas? Bi-partisan cooperation?
Show me whuh cha got little mama, show me whuh cha got purlady...Hands up and wave, and wave, and wave...

"Muted Tones Of Quiet Authority: A Look Suited To the Speaker" (Wash. Post)

Diana Taylor's Stock Just Went Up In This B*!@#

CNN just called Connecticut for Democrat turned Indepublican Joe Lieberman. When your party kicks you to the curb after more than decade in office - who ya gon' call? Why billionaire and new BFF - Mayor Mike Bloomberg of course. Bloomy helped orchestrate and execute Smokin' Joe's return to the ring. It's a success that'll have the king-maker thinking about crowning hisOWNself, and making a run for 1600. Can't win without a wifey though. Diana, time to start practicing getting your Nancy on.

ELECTION DAY 2006 LADIES...

And now that the numbers weenies are busy pouring over those very first exit polls, a MUCH more important race can begin in earnest...the race to be First Lady.
Think 2008 is not about the First Lady? Don't be naive. It's ALL about the First Lady, and EASTWINGER is here to help you achieve that elusive and all important balance between style and substance.

First Lady Frontrunners (D)

MICHELLE OBAMA
Wife of U.S. Senator Barack Obama (D) Illinois

Like her husband, she appears to have a great package. Harvard trained lawyer. Mother of two delightful girls.
Game face still wildly fluctuates between pretty darn good and it's so cold in Chicago my fingers froze and I couldn't put on my lipstick.
Answers to questions about husband's fidelity already point to skeletons in closet - may be source of that hint of dread.

PRO: Relative unknown. Unfamiliarity breeds admiration.
CON: Approachability quotient low.
TIP: Find a good look and stick with it. Avoid joker-brow facial expressions.


BILL CLINTON
"Husband" of U.S. Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D) New York

William Jefferson Clinton ladies and gentlemen.
The perfectly coiffed snowy mane.
The frown-grin that morphs effortlessly into Squint of Concern.
The resume. The work to make sure "that woman" left in dust.
The extraordinary fundraising skills from years on ho stroll. Willie J. would be an excellent First Lady. Too bad the people/voters who don't like his wife, REALLY don't like his wife.

Pro: Been there.
Con: Been there.
Tip: Continue spousage in absentia. Appear separately and talk about Hil in glowing terms. Public realistic enough to accept old couple together out of friendship, duty, respect.
Will throw-up a little in their mouths if you try to prove you're together together.

THERESA HEINZ KERRY
Wife of U.S. Senator and possible presidential candidate (again) John Kerry (D) Massachusetts.

Teh-reh-zahhhh worked nerves in 2004.
Initially intriguing with the "I'm used to saying whatever I want" frankness. Then rich lady doing too much bus travel fatigue set in.
So did irritability and incoherence.

Pro: Husband is actually into her. Digging that.
Con: Does not yet know how to pull a Laura, zip-it, and stay above fray.
Tip: Sharply reduce usage of plastic tabs that make back of suit jacket collars stand up a la Diane Sawyer.


BARBARA RICHARDSON
Wife of New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson

Never mind that New Mexio ranks 38th in the U.S. when it comes to overall health care, in a new ad for hubby's reelection campaign - Babs sez hey- at least in some categories - NM not near last place anymore.

Pro: Can't go wrong with blond hair, pearls, and enough meat on your bones that voters don't think you're vain.
Con: Exterior not yet polished enough for a run at the Big House.
Tip: Take two inches off the bottom. Invest in some Lancome Flextencils.

First Lady Frontrunners (R)

JUDITH NATHAN GIULIANI
Side Chick turned 3rd wife of Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R) New York

Sponge-bathed her way to the alter by nursing Rudy through a prostate cancer scare. (Take note Diana Taylor). If Rudy runs she'll have to spank down the Manhattan socialite hair and make up. Waaaaaaaaaay down.

Pro: Stood by her man.
Con: Some will always consider her a home wrecker.
Tip: Looking a little plastic these days. If Rudy does run plan next "freshening" well in advance so it has time to sag a bit.



CINDY MCCAIN
Wife of U.S. Senator John McCain (R) Arizona

Comes off as quite likable in a grew up rich former vicodin stealer kind of way. Admitted a past pill addiction. Would probably have been better if that hadn't surfaced until after a stint in the White House a la Betty Ford and Pat Nixon. But hey better to fess up if you're about to get outed. And America loves a good I'm so sorry I was getting blunted story. It was the pressure. Gets extra points for having the magic number of kids- 4.( plus the 2 girls 2 boys bonus).

PRO: Gives good political spouse hair, makeup, and clothes.
CON: Why was she stealing drugs when her family is rich?
TIP: A little Mary Tyler Moore going on with your hair flippage. Spank down.


LIBBY PATAKI
Wife of Gov. George Pataki (R) New York

Looks great for having been married a bazillion years. Has the political optimum number of kids - 4. Big on women's issues. Sick women. Women catching beat downs. Admirable. Appealingly cute without being threateningly glamorous.

Pro: Seems the most normal of all the potentials.
Con: The rest of the Union distrusts New Yorkers.
Tip: Steer clear of "Driving Miss Libby" scandals in future.


DIANA TAYLOR
Main Chick of Mayor Michael Bloomberg (R) New York
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Has a butt-load of Ivy league degrees. An investment banker (like daddy). State banking superintendent. Lawyer. Doctor. Indian chief. Got it. Diana's independent. Now here's the next career goal. Get Bloomy to say "I do". Yes, it was easier for Judi. Rudy was broke and sick. Bloomy is rich and healthy except for a touch of fever. But it can be done.

Pro: Smart.Accomplished. Has stuck with Bloomberg so long that if he decides to make a run for 1600 Penn. Ave. he'll have no choice but to marry her.
Con: Still only a main chick. Not wife. Fine in New York. Isn't kosher in Colorado.
Tip: Put snooty Manhattan pseudo-friends like Anna Wintour on mute. Voters live in Paducha not Paris. Un-butchify hair and hang in there.